What is up with people on the Internet these days, and how many details so many of them want to know about you....literally right off the bat? Am I the only one hanging around 2 years from 2020 thinking that's weird as Hell? Like y'all new folks do realize how we vets we used to do things back in the days right? Y'all realize that Internet friends didn't generally pry so deep? Especially if you asked them not to? Which , back in the day, was considered a totally acceptable thing to do?
Perhaps I am a lunatic, but these days on the Internet, it seems like everyone you become friends with, even if you both know you probably won't ever meet in real life, still always wants all your real life details. They be wantin to know where you live, where you work, how long you been working the exact gig for, what your spouse is like, everything! Back in the good old days, like when my beloved EverQuest was still nuovo, I feel like no one gave a shit. You met people online and just automatically went into conversations about anything except the reality you had to walk off into in the mornings. No one asked you what your job was. It was basically like being in Europe (where many people consider that totally rude to ask). Nowadays though, all the fuckin Americans from the deep pits of emptiness logged on. And they always want to bring the real world into the net convos RIGHT AWAY! Seriously...right away. It's so annoying. I call them the cell phone people. What this means is that most of them seem to have been totally unaccustomed to really using the Internet, until Steve Jobs went and shat out the iPhone. Then all of a sudden, badabadaboom, these were the new kids the Internet had to offer. "Meet the new boss...he's actually quite different from the old boss."
See, to me, the way I see it, an internet chat conversation was created to be its own universe within a universe. It doesn't matter if its a blog post, a message board convo, a Twitter convo, an old school chat box, or a fucking iPhone text message, to me it's all the same: It is a universe inside a universe, and it is not as effected as the real world like a "real convo" is. A real convo is trapped in the real world for obvious reasons: If you are chatting in a broken down gas station parking lot, in a broke down 1994 Ford, you obviously have to admit that to your chat partner. On the Internet though, what the fuck man? Who cares! Nobody ever cared! You can imagine yourself as chatting anywhere when you're on an Internet chat. In EverQuest we were usually pretending we were in some place called Nektulos Forest with ghouls and wolves screaming all around us. Plus a bunch of black bats flying all around. Nobody cared that you were just in dirty Hanes underwear in your living room, 40 pounds overweight, living on bad ramen noodles, frozen pizza, and whiskey.
Now of course, they care. Deeply do they care. And the worst part is that ... even if you initially try to make up lies (like I do, I'll admit), you always get cught out eventualy, in a way you never used to get caught out. Kids, you do not even know how easy and beautiful it was to lie about who you were on the Internet in 2004. It was the easiest thing in the world! I lived my entire life as the coolest chick who had ever lived back in 2004. Now it's next to impossible. 4 days go by and the person is demanding a picture of the nice house you lied about living in. "Let me see your car." "Let me see your room." "Let's do facetime and let me see you naked having SEX! GIVING BIRTH!"
Why can't these folks just carry on friendships like everyone used to do? Without knowing every last detail about who they're chatting with? Without knowing your fucking life plan from now until 2070? Why do these people care? Why can they not just accept a good chatting buddy? Don't we all want a nice roster of folks to text when we need? Or is that just me. Maybe I'm being unfair? I don't think so. I don't understand why these people feel that these friendships have to go so deep. Why do people care so much about who they're talking to? I never cared. I guess the guys I used to chat with could have been on the other side of the PC hacking the heads off of their 20 wives and I couldn't have cared. Because I didn't know it was happening. Uncle Gino used to always say it, kid, before he hit the deep dark: "What ya dont know cant hurt ya". If only Uncle Gino had lived to see this fucking day of "We must know everything...literally everything...even if it fuckings kills us we want to know it...fuck it!"
I mostly still live back in the good old days myself, as you can imagine. If you ever chance to run into me on some random Internet chat database (I'm recently making my rounds in Spanish on "HelloTalk") you can be guaranteed I shall give no fucking shit at all about your husband, your wife, your 10 kids, your bills, your job, your car, your dog, your dead cousin, any of it. Unless, of course, you start talking about it. If you start talking about it, I will appease you. But so long as you just want to talk about, say, how much you absolutely adore all the movies that Antonio Banderas ever made, and all the records Madonna should have released but never did, I'm OK with that too. I don't care how you managed to get the phone or the Internet connection to talk to me. All I care about is that you got it, and we have met, and we now have the ability to create our own universe within a universe. Does it make sense?
I hope it does.
Ciao. ----
Kayla Pink, the Last Diva
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