My friend Danielle has just about driven me off the rails. I think I might have to officially call it quits with her. In fact, I think it has already happened ..and now there is no turning back. I suppose the sentimental part of me is a bit sad to be saying goodbye. But man, this girl really wound up being a massive bitch in the end, so I'm not sure how sad I really ought to be.
For about 6 months now 8/10 conversations with Danielle have just been making me angrier and angrier, until now it has finally reached this boiling point where I flat out can't stand her anymore. Still, once I make an attempt to terminate the friendship, I wind up, shortly thereafter, missing her, and wishing I hadn't. It's horrifically toxic, however, and when it comes to my writing, Danielle has had a very terrible effect on it. Very terrible. I get so caught up and anxious thinking about her, and whats going on with her, that I end up not being able to do my deep slip into Wonderland, which is where I have to be to write. So this is how I know she has got to go. She really has got to go!
The worst part about Danielle, I think, is the way she plays the "phone blocking" game. This has actually been the number one defect of hers that has contributed to me now no longer wantin to be buddy, at all. See, when Danielle gets into a heated discussion, or an argument, or sometmes, when she gets angry and just doesn't even tell you she's angry, her number one defense is always -- and I mean always -- exactly the same: She just sort of suddenly blocks you, with no warning, totally out of no where. She never directly announces that she's going to block you, she just does it at random. Sometimes of course, because you are in a heated conversation, you can sense that she's leading up to a block. Other times, however, most notably about a month ago, Danielle pulls the blocking stunt right in the middle of a totally good conversation. Her last months block was the worst -- she blocked me for a week and a half without a single word -- and then , when she got back into touch with me, she just said the phone was broken. It was a lie of course. Her phone wasn't broken...she could have contacted me all the same . But this is the game that she likes to play, because she's an asshole. She's a BLOCKER. That's her only solution. Why? Beacuse she can't ever say how she's actually feeling. To tell you the truth, I do not tink I have ever met a single person who tries to hide so much of what they're feeling --whether happy, sad, etc--as this girl does. It's gross, actually.
I think the thing that is shocking me the most about my relationship with Danielle is just how quickly she seems to have managed to get me totally fed up with her and not liking her. I have always considered myself a fairly patient person. Usuall it's pretty hard for a person to get me on hteir bad side: I can put up with a lot of BS and it's hard to annoy me. It's also, as a general rule, very hard to offend me. Danielle, however, has somehow managed to go from being a pretty beloved character in my life just a few months ago, to now being someone I'm beginning to think is one of the worst people I've ever been in touch with, in literally decades. She is ... just an asshole... I dunno how to describe it ....every day is a new problem for her and her old "baby daddies"...every day is some other enormous dilemma, some complaint, some old bitter memory that she has to drone on and on about. It's like there is literally not a day that goes by when this woman is not discontented and dissatisfied in some new way. Before I met Danielle, I used to think I was a sort of "melancholy" "unhappy" dude. There is no way I think this now. There is no way I'm nearly as wretched as this girl. There's no way. She is szeriously miserable. Nothing makes her happy. She takes a problem with literally everything. E V E R Y T H I N G.
Let me give you an example of what i mean by how she takes a problem with all things. Let's say I am sitting around at night watching some old (funny) Madonna video from the 1980s, or maybe some old Jennifer Lopez song from the early 00's, and I decide to send it to Danielle, to see what she thinks. Well, what do yuo think is the response? I'll tel you what...it's alway sthe same.. "I hate it, I hate J Lo...I hate Madonna...this video is so stupid...immature..I can't even believe you watch this ..." Blah blah blah, on and on it goes. So now lets say I try again, a few nights later, with something else...like say some clip from a movie --- a movie totally disconnected from anything "girlie" (cause Danielle despises all things girlie!).
Well, it doesn't matter, mate. There is still no luck. This bitch still hates it. Hates it to death. Hates it to Hell and back. No comedian is funny for Daniel, no song is entertaining, no film is watchable, no city is intriguing, no country is beautiful, hell ..no town, anywhere on Earth, is inviting. Except her own of course. Oh, dont' get me started on her own actual town of fucking Stamstead. Oh no. Everywhere on Earth is Satans hellhole , except little precious Stamstead, the idyllic and perfect home of Danielle. She loves the place to straight death. It's the greatest town on Earth. Greatest one, hands down. I honestly -- in all of my life---have never met someone who was more obsessed with the supposed "glory" of their own town, than Danielle is obsessed with stupid fucking insufferable Stamstead. At first I thought it was just a joke. No one, I told myself, can be this obsessed with their own home. It was no joke, however. Danielle is really that into it. Nearly 20 years into the 21st century and these idiots are still around.
In truth, I think I should have considered the incessant love for her own shit hole "posh" town the first red flag and pulled out right then. But ...again...I couldn't take it seriously. I didn't think she could be that centered and based around that one place. The truth however, is that she is. For Danielle, all talk of anywhere else -- no matter bad or good--is almost interpreted as some sort of dangerous threat to Stamstead and its eternal fucking glory. Everything in the outside world is a threat to this holy town of 30,000 people for her. This threat includes, of course, my own town, which is "a few rungs beneath Stamstead" (and Danielle, you better believe, never lets you forget it). Oh don't even get me started on my town...which is really a city . Danielle hates the bloody hell out of it, in spite of the fact that both her baby daddies came rollicking out of it, and also in spite of the fact that I, her best friend for hte past 2 years now, also came out of it. Not to mention the fact that there wouldn't even be no mother fucking Stamstead if it wasn't for my city, which is the tortured and dark furnace that holds all the precious little small towns in this wretched county together. No... wouldn't even be no god damn all white Stamstead, where no stray dogs run and no cops have to shoot anyone down, but don't tell Queen Danielle that. She won't believe you. She wholeheartedly seems to believe that her idyllic bullshit town is standing entirely on its own. Welll fuck her man...cause it certianly isn't.
Anyways Im angry now and there is no point in talking to this. I just hope I never talk to Danielle again.
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