Angry journals

Do I still sometimes sit here and wonder how Jen feels?

I will admit, naturaly, that I do. Fairly often, I guess. Like, not as often as before..no way..but still fairly often. It has been officially 86 days now, which is quite a long time, and yet there she is .. Jen...still on my mind. How will i ever get rid of her for real?

Well I suppose i could take the advice my friend Anthony gave me, when he told me I should just find a new woman --but I'll tell you ..I actually think thats terrible advice. I mean, thats exactly what Anthony did, after his woman Theresa up and left him, and ... now Anthony is living in his apartment with 2 twin babies and a kid his new woman gave birth to, years before she met him. That sounds like it sucks cock. Especially when you think that Anthony only moved out of his parents house to live in the apartment with Theresa. And now he's got the twin babies of some other weirdo who works at Starbucks living there with him. I mean , yea, sure, they are his kids too, but he only knew Starbucks girl for 6 months.....

So theres no way in Hell that I'm taking Anthonys advice on all this. He was a good friend in my early 20s, but in the end he wound up being a little bit of a moron, same as Jen and most others. Oh you know one thing i keep thinking over and over, that i already sort of wrote about, but wnat to write of again? It has to do w/ that topic of the children again ..w/ this idea that having children leads to a fulfilling, happy life, and how I think the Internet has finally killed this falsehood, once and for all. I guess i can't stop thinking, every time I think of Anthony or Jennifer, about how all of this situation might have felt for me, in a year like 1993 or something, before the Internet was around. And basically I am convinced that I would have felt an extreme and desperate need to copy them, and have babies too, if the Internet wasn't around, and the main reason I would have felt the need, is cause i feel like I would have not had any real way of knowing that what they did absolutely sucks. Cause, as i write, the only reason I know that child raisin' definitely sucks for vast multitudes of people, is because these people all make babies, and then come cry to the internet, and type up huge anonymous confessions.

Before the age of the internet tho ,where wuld you find all this out? Your friends? Your uncle Bob? They're all fucking liars, and they'll lie straight to your face about how much having kids sucks -- most of em will, anyways. They'll sit there going on and on about how great it is, how fulfilling, yada yada ... mostly just to persuade themselves and not you, and the only time they'll ever really admit they hate it, is late at night, alone in some diary. Or of course now on the internet...

Yea i dont know but that thought just keeps running thru my head and its yet another of the million reasons that I'm so fucking grateful for the Internet, as I always have been. She has actually saved me from having children! Imagine me now hugging the Internet. Does it feel cold to you, reader? It doesn't feel cold to me. It's better than some screaming child whose just gonna grow up to resent me cause i'm not a millionaire, don't you think? Yayayaya... thats the other thing I wonder about y'know? Like what does Jen really think her kids are gonna think about her, 20 years from now, when they're around the age we are now? Does she think that they're gonna sit there talking w/ her, helping her stay sane, and being her best pal? They'll probably move away the moment they turn 18 considering what a fucking moron she is. What will she do then? Go insane, I suppose.Of course maybe the world will be different by then. Some guy who works at Google says Universal Basic Income will be around by the 2030s. Jennifer, being a moron Republican, is deeply opposed to it. But ...well.. her kids would get it, and it would save her life, as much as her shoddy life can be saved, at any rate.

Hey isn't it so delightful, reader? How  completely cold I've gone on Jennifer now? Like i literally cant stand the thought of her. She's like a drug addict clown who lives in a sewer and i just wanna throw a grenade into the sewer and..... what? I don't know. Reverse reverse. I'm imagining a robot in the year 2035 punching Jen in the face. Somehow it will be the case that she will even provoke robots to become violent w/ her. Ouch. Domestic violence! Jennifers favorite turn on. "The more charges a boy got on his crimmy record, the more me like him!" she shouts into some dark black hole. You know what Jen should have been? A porn star. She can suck a mean dick and I know she can take it deep up her ass, so she should have just done that and made some money out of it. Being a momma doesn't suit her. She's too much of a brain dead whore and has no money and her kids will be white trash and fuck whores and..... Zinggggggg! 

Ah I'm getting disgusting I know. Misogynistic. I need to stop. Look, girls, I'm uncapping my lipstick and painting my lips red. I'm a feminist! Forgive me! I'll tell my reader whats funny though. Ive been talking to all these sexi Peruvian and Colombian girls lately, and all of them agree w/ me that women like Jen should be banned from having babies. Literally, every single one of them thus far has agreed with me. Women that have no money do not deserve the right to have babies . Go fuck yourselves. Even the girls in Bogota, Colombia know it. So how the fuck is it the case that Jen doesn't? Suburban white whore that she is. Queen of the Whores. Whore of Whores.  (Dont worry she loves being called that)> 

---logging off