Trust me Francesca.... I understand that you’re busy and everything.. I really get it .. but there’s no way around denying that what you’re doing to me, at this point, is nothing but gross. That’s literally the only word I have for it at this point: It is gross, it is disgusting, and it’s *nasty*. It’s grimey. I literally don’t know how else to put it and, quite honrstly, I’m at the point wherre I just can’t hold back anymore. This is abuse...there is no way this is not abuse. You sit there talking to me when you want, and I talk to you, and yes we BOTH Love to talk to each other..but then you turn around and “reneg” on the deal. You have the wings to fly. You have had them. I have not had them. For a long time now. You choose to talk to me still ,despite my not having them.
I am not asking you to regularly come get me. That isn’t what this is ever going to turn into. Ever. But thats your main fear, I Know it is. WEll, if you’re so afraid of that...why the hell are you even still talking to me anyways then? I’m telling you it’s not going to come down to that. I waited about 3 months, 4 months even, befor I really started to lose it, with this insufferable game of “refusing to come get me”. Now it’s been 6 fucking months. I’m getting aggravated now, and completely losing my cool. IT has reached the point where this is mentally destroying me. I am sitting here writing letters to a word processor about it. So honestly just come get me or let’s call our friendship a wrap.
I’m at the pass now wherei t’s like, you know what, would it hurt like HELL to not have Francesca to talk to anymore? Yes it would. But Francesca, at the same time as that, it’s beginning to hurt like HELL to have to deal w/ this. To be in constant daily contact w/ a friend, a supposed friend, who REFUSES to come and scoop me. I just.. like..mentally Francesca....I literally can’t do this. ANd trust me, the worst part about it all is ...I wish I could. I wish like hell that I had the strengeth to do this, to just ignore this, and to not give a shit that you won’t come get me. But Ican’t do it anymore mami. I really can’t. I wish so fucking bad that I could. God you don’t even know how badly I wish I could , that this didn’t matter to me, and that I could just go on talking to you and pretending that you did come get me and that we’re all good. It never happens tho mami.
Every day it just gets worse. Significantly worse. You remember when it first began .. I said eventually I would adjust .. I wouldn’t care. It hasn’t happened, and I know now it never will happen. I cant do this Francesca. IM SO SORRY! I love you but I can’t do this. It’s ruining my life, my ability to think, to concentrate, to write about anything except this insufferable fucking problem...all of it. So just come get me, or let’s cut contact. I am so sorry Francesca. I am so sorry to say that. BUt I have to now. FOr my own mental sanity, I have to. I literally don’t feel well. I feel mentally and physcially sick over your refusal to come get me. I get chills. I feel nauseous. I feel endlessly anxious. I get headaches. I get vrey fucking angry and I Want to scream and send you text after text flipping out. THis has brought out so many bad emotions and I’m beginning to hate you for it. Which doesn’t make any sense because I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU. I WASN’T EVEN DATING YOU. THERE WAS NO REASON IT EVER HAD TO TURN INTO THIS!!!!! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO ME ITS A FUCKING BETRAYAL FOR NO FUCKING REASON I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!*******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* ALL I FUCKING DID WAS TALK TO YOU!***************************** I DONT DESRVE THIS!!!!
I’m getting angry again as you can see.
\I just want this to end. IT’s getting bad for my mental sanity. I will be absolutely fucking devastated if you are to choose to just cut contact w/ me entirely, but at least that would eventually end! This, on the other hand, is beginning to seem like its entering a very deeply dangerous zone where **it seems like it might not ever end**. You pushed it that far now, you see, you actually pushed it into a danger zone where I’m beginning to doubt your value as a friend to me now. Again I’m sorry to say that, but I Think you might have permanently scarred me Francesca, at this point. IT’s the same way my cousin got “permanently scarred” from the prison experience, as I said in the texts (assuming you read them). I think you’ve permanently fucking destroyed my trust I had for you. I literally can’t fathom what you’re doing. You dropped a brick on my head, you cut the skin on my face open w/ a knife...you’re a fucing ASSHOLE For what you’re doing. I’m going to send this letter too. Even after I’ve calmed down, I’m going to fucking send it. and you knowwhy? BEcause its time you knew what a fucking asshole you are. Youre an abuser too . YOU’RE A FUCKING ABUSER TOO.
So Im again saying, I’m not gonn write anthing more, even though I have so much I Need to write, but IM again saying
either come get me, or lets end our convos. bye.
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