I haven't really been writing much at all lately. It's been about ...7 or 8 days since I last wrote any fiction. I haven't even really been living much in the English language. Mostly I have just been talking in Spanish to people from various Latin American countries, like Colombia, Peru, Venezuela, and Argentina again.
I don't know why but it seems the Spanish bug just bites me every now and again, and I slip inside of it for a long time, and then I get tired and leap out, and forget about it for awhile, all over again. Every time I return, of course, my Spanish is always a bit improved. This time I definitely feel I can see an improvement. I understand some of the conjugations more than I did last time around. Of course,as I always say, I don't necessarily like talking or reading in other languages, because I love the language itself. Instead I seriously believe I do it because it makes me love English more. Do you want to know why? I have written about it before, but i'll repeat myself: Learning another language helps you love your own language more, cus it's like taking a vacation from it. I cannot begin to stress just how amazing it is to read a book in English again, after, say, three weeks of only reading in Spanish. Its like diving back into the warmest, coolest pool you could ever dive into. The feeling is incredible. The language seems richer. You feel richer. And who doesn't want to feel richer?
So ya, for me, talking in another language is like denying myself a luxury of some type, and I love it. I know that certain writers would say that this is sacrilege, because so many writers think that a good storyteller must write everyday, and must read everyday (in their own language?) but .... meh... fuck them! I don't think they know what they're talking about. Lol. I love getting back to English world and breezing through an 800 page book that would have taken, like, a full month to read, in Spanish. It's so relieving... I feel so intelligent...and everything i write just looks so good! The words, baby, the words get fresher...they come alive again!
Beyond Spanish tho, what has been up? Nothing much really. I decided about 3 weeks ago now that I wouldn't write about Jen anymore, so I haven't really been keeping up with diary entries for that reason, since she is still heavy on my mind. She actually did try to message me again ( Sunday, April 8th) but I didn't respond, and i don't feel like droning on and on about it, so what can I say , right? I deleted all the diary entries I made about Jen on this blog, because I put them all in a file, and then too, I also deleted Jens poetry blog earlier this week, which was something I held off on doing for awhile. She had not visited the thing since February but I kept waiting to see if she would again...she never did...and now she never will cus its gone! I also deleted her phone number from my iPhone today, as well as our last text convo, which I had occasionally been looking at. Everything is all gone now. Lol.
I'll admit that deleting the text messaging convo was hard. At first i couldn't do it. Then while i was making some pizza, I flipped the phone outta my pocket and decided to do it real quick. Sort of like taking a leap off a mountain with your eyes closed type of thing. One quick swipe of the old white boy thumb and the final text convo we ever had, that ended on January 24th, 2018, was gone. Who knows if Jenny will ever write me again? I didn't really think she'd write me on April 8th, but she did, so maybe she will. Again. I'll be aggravated, I know that for sure. Cause I was on the 8th. Like, the first week of April I felt i had totally forgotten about her existence, and then...boom! She threw me in the whirl pool all over again. But now I'm forgetting it again. Gradually. The fact that I'm writing this is proof of that. The South Americans babY! Los latinos! They got me coming back out my shell....
Hopefully when i get back "in the mood" to scribble fiction I'll head back to the pirate story I was working on. I was using a lot of different characters in it, always switching viewpoints, so it probably won't be too hard to jump back into. Soon I think I'm gonna have to start trying to seriously look for a publisher, too...but i stil don't know. I'm so fucking ...ugh... i just hate the idea of talking to some professional editor or something...so who knows? One day. Hopefully one day, before I'm dead, it will actually happen. It is obviously really depressing to think i could drop dead tonight with nothing published, and all my work trapped on Google Docs! Perhaps I'd be able to publish it in the afterlife?
Well, I'm gonna duck out of this article now, but if I write another, I might have to make it about the topic of single motherhood and stuff like that, cause, now that I'm trying to keep Jen out of my life, that has become a big obsession of mine: Convincing myself that single mothers are not the sort of women I want to date. I mean, i don't even really want to date anyone... so why would I want a single mother out of them all? I wouldn't....and the only reason I almost did was cus Jen was just a "fluke" who accidentally entered into my life. But anyways i just have a lot to say on the topic of single motherhood cus I feel like she literally almost decimated my life, and i escaped by a hair, and i just think that deserves discussion. I want to show the non-existent readers of The Old World Oracle just how many insane stories I've read of mothers and fathers who both seem to hate their lives. I want to show readers of this blog jsut how much scientists and psychologists agree that parenthood will ruin your life, instead of make it better. Personally, and maybe its the working class imbecile in me, who still wants to believe its 1945, but I find that shocking. I mean, even I, as a freak who hates society, always kinda thought that having kids would make life happier. Yet after Jen and all i've read,I no longer at all believe that, and so... well, thats what i'll write about next.
For now, I'm going. Ciao ciao!!!!
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