Phone dying Diary

So it has finally happened. My iPhone has broken! The charging port has gone to shit. Last time this happened, I got lucky and we managed to use a bobby pin to clean the charging port of dust and all was swell and it started to charge again. Time before that and it was just a faulty charging wire. But now, no! Now it is the real thing. The iPhone is 2 and 1/2 years old and is dying. Well, no, I shouldn't say dying, because it's basically dead. It is lying on my bed at the moment...its death bed I suppose..at 39%. I am of the mind to just turn it off but .. well...no...I suppose I will leave it. I have some documents on iCloud that I hope will be saved. Every other time this happened, I used to descend into a mad panic because I was doing all my writing in the "Notes" section of the iPhone. But around Christmas...th etime of the last scare...I switched to Google Docs, so now I don't even have to worry.

I tell you, i feel oddly relieved that this piece of shit is dying, even though I know I will not be getting another phone, at all, any time soon. My life will now be phoneless. I am not sure for how long. Maybe a year. Maybe just 6 months. Maybe less. I don't have any money so I don't suppose it will be fixed, and my family who has led me to this grim pass are no longer of any use. (They're tired of helping me so I won't even bother to ask). Instead I will just sit here and let it die and then wait to see how long until someone notices, at which point maybe I'll get lucky and someone will buy me one. Lol. The life of a pathetic struggling writer!

I should have had 2 kids like Jennifer and then people would take pity on me and give me things. Instead I am a man so i have to earn my own way or perish. Well, fuck off. Like Boddah I will watch this phone die and then, hopefully, I will just disconnect from it. I still have the laptop, after all, and the main computer. Both seem to be in decent shape, far from death. For all I know, my phones death will be a gigantic step in the right direction for my writing. Perhaps now I will descend further than ever before into my writing.

Of course, i am a bit depressed to think that all my reading will have to be on the laptop too. I only have so many paperback books here and most of them i have read. Thankfully of course i can say that i have not read many of them twice, and there are plenty i haven't read still... so i'm not in too bad of shape. Plus I am still only about halfway done with Lonesome Dove, which i have in paperback. I'll be able to read that for at least another week, maybe, and then I can possibly get started with Wild Boys, though that book is very short. After that.... maybe i'll re-read Huck Finn. I don't know. I have enough real books to hold me over. It'll just be shitty cause on the iPhone i had about 900 or more! But i was a little tired of reading on that fucking thing. Unfortunately my Kindle also broke a few monts ago so...lol...i don't have that either!

Whats strange about all of this, however, is that two nights ago we found out that the cat here is dying. We have two cats and have had them for years and years. One is orange and the other is black. The orange one is going strong; the black one now, dying. She has been hiding around the house for the past few days and growing very thin. There is absolutely no money for a veterinarian of course so she is in for a bad death. Thank you America! I bet in Europe people can go to veterinarians totally for free. Lets find out shall we? Hmm, it seems in Germany they try to help out and provide low-cost care. I'm sure we don't even have that in this shithole country. Probably they just give you the advice to shoot the thing here. The Americans know no other way! Death and pain death and pain...poverty and prisonnnnnnnn!!!!!

What to say? I don't know. Money is surely a drag when you don't have any. I've not had any for so long now that i honeslty can't imagine getting some. What must it feel like to not only be able to afford to go to the dumb ass veterinary but also to be able to fix iPhones or buy new ones, the moment they break, or to eat breakfast at a 5 star restauraunt, to hop jetplanes and travel all over? To own 3 houses across the world? To buy, as Johnny Depp did, $45,000 worth of wine every month, for years? What must it be like to sit in a castle and know that, even if you lost every dime in your bank account tomorrow, you could sell your Pablo Picasso painting and have another $3 million for another round of fun? Meanwhile here I am, with a dying cat and a dying iPhone on my bed, and this acoustic guitar that has not had new strings since 2015 and ... well, I am officially getting closer to a true starving artist now. I wonder if it is going to hurt? I oftne wonder. How scary will it be if i go down to die in pure desperation? I will die like Poe on a park bench in Baltimore. Thieves will drag my dead body and rob me for all i have on.

How reckless will i perhaps be able to become? How fucking disgusting is this country? I dream of robbing a bank fleeing for Mexico. Only to be shot and killed the moment i cross into Nueva Laredo. Ahh.. my friend in Nueva Laredo. I met her on Hello Talk. This application is solely permitted on cell phones. Same with Whatsapp, as i wrote. I shall be out of contact with them all. Every friend GONE! Since they all just existed in the web.

I will contact some of them thru Skype and email i guess, but that is all. Goodbye everyone! Goodbye! It is all over here! The Iphone is finally dying and shall not be replaced! 

God isn't this timing all kind of bizarre in a way? So soon after the split with Jen and now this. How rapidly has life emptied itself out of all things. To be dirt poor! Why do i not feel like Henry Miller when he said he felt like the most liberated man on earth, being dirt poor in old Paree? Maybe cause im not in Paree but instead with the smelly cowboy Americans. What will happen now? Oh I am being much too dramatic I know. Its just a dying cell phone. Nothing more. It has something like 12,300 pictures on it. Most are of hot porn stars. I find it intolerable to watch porn on the laptop. So, as i say, maybe i will really be writing a great deal now. No porn, no whatsapp, no 900 books to read, no lying down on the bed and watching movies on the phon, with my circumcised cock in my hands. I will literally have nothing to do besides scribble now, in many ways. Am I scared of what i will find? Maybe. A little. Though i think this was always what i secretly wanted in the first place. I think the deep trip into fiction, if i can keep my cool, can become extremely deep now, without that phone around. For there was no doubt that, for as fun as it was, it was a major distraction. A major, major distraction. Without it, i'm going to surely be forced to find something else. Plus i also think it will be hilarious once the family finally realizes the phone is dead, weeks after it has happened. Months maybe!

 "Oh that phone has been dead for like 4 months. Since before Summer even began. Late May..."

"What? And you never...complained? Or asked for a new one? Begged for a new one?"

"Nope..."

Ah how depressing! As i write this now, just a moment ago, someone contacted me on Whatsapp. From the death bed that the iPhone now breathes its last breaths on, I heard its little ringing bell.

It is Laura from Colombia. I shall not tell her the truth of my sad and deranged predicament this pathetic morning. Laura has a broken phone herself, oddly enough, but she has a brother who has money and who has multiple phones for himself, and he lets her use his Android. She has told the story multiple times since the ANdroid goes a little batty sometimes. I won't tell her that my phone is dying. That i won't hear the Whatsapp chime for perhaps months, if ever again.

As it always with death, no matter if its an iPhone, a cat, or your lover, I am a bit surprised and taken aback, even tho I knew it was always inevitable. The iPhone, after all, has not been well for a long time now. In fact, even a year after i bought it, this piece of shit was giving me troubles. The battery is no good. Never was. Apple is a company of thieves and has no idea how to make a good battery. My brother, for example, bought an Android the exact saem day, in 2016 i believe, that i bought this iPhone. His Android has absolutely no problems whatsoever. Battery stays charged all day. My iPhone has pretty much been on life support for the past year and a half, instead. I have only been able to use it for 1 hour at most, before watching it drop from 99% to 30% and needing a charge. Literally no matter what I'm doing on it. I literally hate it. In the future, i suspect the phones will only need to charge one day out of 30 and be good all month. Unfortunately we are not there yet. Sad sad sad!

It is strange now, the feelings i have inside of me, realizing that this all finally happening. For some reason, an old and terrifying acid trip is coming to mind. Years ago i tripped on acid numerous times but during one particular trip,  i was still smoking bogies, and i remember looking at a pack of Marlboro Reds that was down to about 5 cigarettes. My friends were around and kept asking for some and of course, since i was tripping , i was probably chain smoking them. At some point I began to imagine that when i reached the last cigarette in the pack and smoked it, my life would end. I don't think i had any money for a new pack (probably spent it all on acid, which can be quite expensive) so i immediately descended into a horrific panic that my life was coming to a close. On acid you can become scared of very ridiculous things..and i mean deathly scared. For example, another time I was looking at a set of car keys i had, also house keys, and I began to tell myself they were good for nothing, etc, that they opened no doors. I cried over this simple thought! Wept like a baby.  I also cried with the cigarette package trip.  At any rate, now i feel that way with the dying cell phone and the dying cat. Is this the sign that my universe is ending? Unlike my fear years ago during the acid trip,I can't say i really give a shit if it is ending. Anything to escape capitalism at this point, i swear. Anything to escape this pathetically dysfunctional world of greed and shit.



EDIT: URGENT EDIT: 

I went to finally shut the iPhone off, to say goodbye.

So i did.

A moment later, after it was off and the screen was black, it occurred to me to turn it back on, and see if ...maybe it would charge after it wsa turned off??? I had never tried turning off and on....

Needless to say, it is now charging. I'm a little dramatic bitch queen aint I?