I'm on 110 days of No contact. My r-ship wasn't necessarily a "love affair". I was dealing with a single mom of 2 kids (2 different fathers) who i had been good friends with for years and she then started to sorta suck me into a love affair w/ her. This happened gradually over the course of a 5-6 month time span, from June 2017 to December. By DEcember i was completly infatuated and the second i was, she started to get weird as hell.
I don't much want to go into detail here. Let's just say the whole love affair started off on the wrong note cus she ended things with her 2nd childs father in May 2017, after he physically assaulted her --and was arrested for it--- and then she immediately began displaying interest in me....cause of how much we spoke and what not. We had been talking for years and years and i was forever available for her. Basically she started to say it seemed like i was the real one she was in love with and "knew". OF course, i always said i never wanted kids and the idea of dating her was always absurd to me cus she had kids. I don't really date, mostly cus i don't really want to end up with break ups. But my not dating, you understand, is exactly what led to my talking to her damn near constantly. Having no other girls in my life, i just sort of naturally gravitated to her. In a way i almost....well, i often felt i was "using her" in some degree, to get the opportunity to dig as deep into her brain and thinking as possible. I had a unique opportunity i felt, and i wanted to use it to understand women, especially someone like her who made such colossal mistakes. It was a relief to have a woman in my life with no strings attached. But then i got blind sided when her long term relationship actually ende, and she displayed interest in me, and to my own surprise, i immediately fell in love. LOL. I'm a moron.
Anyways, in January 2018, I became fed up with her after a few episodes of her being weirder/crueler to me than EVER before, and i decided to go no contact. She had gotten to this place, you see, where i knew she had come to take my presence in her life for granted. I also knew she was still seeing the childs father and lying about it, cus once he assualted her, i made it very plain, i dont wnana hear of him anymore, its annoying me now. Its stupid. End it. Etc. But basically it was obvious to me that she never dreamed i would actually exit her life, and this almost made me as mad as her lies. Especially because she was a single mom. I almost didn't like what an ego i myself had given her. Also i really did give her a major ego boost. For example, she would never take selfies, because she was so mortified of the childs father and believed she was ugly, and after months of uplifting her, i got her to start taking tons of them. Stuff like this. But then i built her ego up to such a degree that it was like she lost her mind, and it was crazy to watch. It was like she didn't deserve it and she really went above and beyond with it. So long story short i warned her i'd cut her off and then i did. Its now been all this time. She tried to contact me 5 times now. The first 4 times she contacted me thru my sibling. She never apologized. She just says "tell him hello..i miss him.." etc. No f'n concept at all that she needs to apologize for what she did. No concept at all.
Finally the other day she contacts me on my own phone. I'm honestly shocked I didn't reply to it. Like, if theres one thing i can tell everyone here, thats basically it: It starts to get shocking how you just get to the point wher you can't even bring yourself to talk to them anymore. I literally have nothing to say. It's crazy to me. I'll be honest and tell you i almost WISH i could write something to her---but she became that debilitating for me. Everything goes to my journals usally, and now im writing here, just in case someone needs to see someone elses situation.
In my opinion, if you really don't succeed with no contact, it probably wasn't mean to be. The person may have not stung you so bad as to traumatize you. My success with 100 + days really goes back to just what a negative and extremely toxic presence she wound up being. I wound up traumatized and I know she is sitting there and feels like shit to think that, in this instance, *she* was the abuser, if only on a mental level. I know for a fact that she can't believe she became so toxic for someone that **they** had to do the running. (Since she was always running in her previous chapters). She can't fathom it. One part of her i think is high off it; but another part is in the dumps, i believe. I suppose i worry that my running from her has made her ego drop significantly, which i know i said i wanted to drop it, but you know, it dropped to such a level that now she's probably completely embroiled with the abusive ex again etc etc. Oh well who cares. Not my problem anymore....
I'm not on cloud 9 without her but i was on cloud NEGATIVE 9 with her. I am not really anyone who believes in that red pill crap btw but , man, i'll tell y'all, something just ain't right about a single mom of 27 years old with 2 babies from 2 dudes. Shit was whack. I never met a more depressing, uneasy, anxious, miserable person. I would still tell guys to take interest in a single mom with only one kid -- maybe--but holy hell...this girl...believe me...i will think EXTREMELY HARD before i ever touch a single mom again. Shit shit shit lol. If I had gotten roped into this and had a kid with her myself, and then this same shit happened anyways, GOOD LAWDDDDD....
I dont know why im writing this. Just venting. I dont know what kind of answers i'll get , if any .But basically, i suppose ill be honest and tell y'all i'm kinda wondering if she'll even wind up contacting me again. I am not happy that she wrote me all these times now cus it has become a new thing to dwell on. In some sense, its also empowering and getting me "high" in a toxic way. I'm feeding off the bad energy of her attempts to re-kindle the flame. I don't think she'll try again but who knows? i dont know. I'm upset that I have all these days but still no true, satisfying peace. I do feel empowered but its a drag to know another good friend now just has to be a toxic memory to forget. ---
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