Holocene Calendar

I don't know where exactly the thought came from -- must have had some sort of strange dream prompting it, that I've now forgotten---but when I rolled out of bed into the darkness at about 4 AM this morning, the first thought I had on my mind was (and you won't believe this I know) but it was about the Gregorian calendar & just how absolutely absurd it is, and then too how there is no way anyone is going , or so I feel at least, to use it in the future. 

If you're somehow not aware of what the Gregorian calendar is, it is the calendar we are all currently living by , and jts most defining aspect (and most absurd) is the fact that it has BC and AD, which is seriously confusing ....not necessarily for academics and scholars who are so mighty and ought never be questioned -- so the Internet says---but rather for normal homo sapiens...whom I personally believe the Gregorian calendar has been devised to purposely confuse the ever living shit  out of . Take for example an absolutely seismic event in the history of the West, like the year that Julius Caesar got stabbed to death by a bunch of knives Roman senators and Brutus pulled on him. The Gregorian calendar tells us this year was 44 BC, meaning to say 44 years before Jesus was born. That means it's been approximately 2061 years since Caesar got stabbed to his muerte at the time of this writing. Yet, when you think of him as being stabbed in a point in time known as 44 BC , you almost ...you know...you sort of disconnect it as being that much time that has passed ,I feel, as a result of the fsct that it looks disconnected, from your own modern historical period of 2017. Precisely because of the dumb AD thing. 

But now imagine Caesars death date underneath this other far more interesting calendar that smart people are trying to implement, called the Holocene calendar: instead of being killed in 44 BC, Caesar is now killed in the year ...hold on a second...9956! And instead of us living in the year 2017 as we do (or at least I do) right now, we instead add a 1 and we now live in the year 12,017! Oh my god, I suddenly feel so much freaking older!!! I just aged by literally 10,000 years in one second by adding a bloody 1!! And do you know what--- all jokes aside/--but that's actually sort of the point of the whole thing, methinks, because in my experience, just trying to talk to everyday people oftentimes about historical events, like Caesars death, or Ancient Rome, or even the birth of Christ (which our current Gregorian calendar is based off) and the civilization that surrounded it, I often tend to find that-- as a result of this dating system I feel--- a lot of people tend to not really comprehend how long humans have been trucking , and also just how far advanced we actually were, in many ways, the year of Jesus's birth.

Therr seems to be a huge idea amongst a lot of "general commoners" Ivr found, that nothing much was rally happening in the world when Jesus Christ was born. It's almost as though they don't totally comprehend the fact that pretty advanced cities were around at that point, and in truth the fact that Jesus's story (which is obviously the most famous ancient world story) was set in Jerusalem, which was a kind of boondocks at that point in history, (and still sort of is) makes it all the worse, because it makes it seem like, well, if where Jesus was born was the boonies, then so too was all the world at that point right? 

This is, in my opinion, often the commoners view. Yes it sounds stupid --- BUT the commoner is stupid!  We must think of this fool, and try to find ways to reach out to him, and inform him of the reality around him and behind him, and this Gregorian calendar -- counting both forwards and then backwards --- is not helping AT ALL! Because , you see, he takes that one ultra famous story of Jesus living out an intolerably terrible life in the Jerusalem , Nazareth boondocks, he sees that the year ONE is written next to it all, and then the year 33 is written next to Jesus's crucifixion date, and he thinks he's getting the image of what was the whole ancient world broadcast to him. Not at all! No way! This was a minor inconsequential event at the time it occurred. Nobody cared about Jesus's death until- what-- 300 years after it happened! More. Think of it like if the Rolling Stones released an album in 1965 and no one got around to hearing it until 2265! That was really what happened here. It took a long time for Christ to become a pop culture King, and then a god. Long long long time.

 At any rate It's kind of hard to blame the commoner here because the dating system makes it sound like the world began at that point anyways and everything that happened before the year of 1, Ivr personally noticed that it just tends to get sort of shuffled off in the compartments of the  modern mind, as though it's all apart of some absurd "pre historic" period (as though it's like the dinosaurs or something) which is of course absolutely asinine, especially once you see what Caesars death date would really be in the Holocene calendar -- again, 9965--versus this ridiculous Gregorian one. Think too of other important dates, and then how much more nicely they look in comparison, even Anno Domini dates: take for example the year William Shakepeare was born, in the Holocene calendar, 11,564! And then mysef: 11989! Suddenly I have to tell you I almost even feel closer to him...but also to Julius back there in 9965! Mostly because I can see clearly the fact that a new millennium started (2 actually) and so forth very clearly, right in the numbers.

Now for the record I will say: I don't think these numbers need to be used in daily chat (it's annoying enough saying two thousand) but it's still far more convenient when trying to explain dates in my opinion. Far far more convenient. For another good example (just to highlight it again) let's look at the year they say the old story The Iliad (with Helen of Troy ET cetera)  was written or at least in which it originally started circulating: 9,116. 800 years before Caesars fatal knife fight. Wow! Imagine, again, how much closer it all seems, than when you say 800 BC--- which feels like it was millions of years ago! And of course do you know when they say the actual events referenced in the Iliad took place? One second. Here we are: 8,755! Or something like that! Wow , it's incredible, and it all makes so much more fantastic sense than this rotten and absurd and oh so confusing Gregorian calendar. I've despised this calendar since I was a lad and as you can see I STILL despise it and always I assure you always will. Because it is stupid and makes absolutely no sense and things that make no sense must be burned right out of existence! Off of the Earth! Aheeey! 

Here is a good way to describe the Gregorian calendar and why it's so confusing: imagine for a moment if I said to you that, since your marriage (or better yet your divorce)  was such a vital part of your life , we are likewise going to start your age over , the year it happened, and all the years before the divorce, leading up to it, are going to be counted...backwards! 

So if you got divorced at 35 years old, it means you would, by the time when you were 75, be considered a 40 year old still (which I guess it sounds nice) but at the same time as that, it isn't true, and there's also the fact that whenever you were referring to the pre divorce period and how old you were at any given time prior to it, you'd have to count backwards and say something like "yes i met Shania when I was 15 BD, and now I'm 40 AD..." This would make people immediately associate the number 15 with when you met Shania, which may make them believe you were in fact 15 years of age when you met her, in spite of the fact that you were actually 20 years of age. Do you see why this is confusing? It's stupid and especially with computers it makes no sense. Then there is this additional fact that the monks who originally put it together (yes it was literally monks, Gregorian monks living in a monastery) they accidentally forgot to include the year 0! Which makes it very hard for computers to correctly calculate all of this whenever you are trying to do dates. So basically the entire rotten thing is all sorts of a mess and makes no sense and must be changed!

Put me down as having proudly voted Holocene! In the year 12,017! -------