So, for example , I remember one afternoon I was watching the TV series The White Queen, which isn't all that famous, and the opening scene began with the central character, a girl, standing in front of some tree , watching a horse with a knight on it quickly approach, as snow fell around her. I "Stole" the scene, and I intended to keep stealing more scenes too, but then it all quickly spun off into my own tale. I gave my girl character the exact red velvet dress the girl in the TV series was wearing, the exact blonde and braided hair, the exact rosy cheeks, the snow, all of it.
The only thing that changed was, of course, every single thing afterwards: The girl in the White Queen got picked up and ridden off to a life of hell and misery ruling over medieval England, for instance, whereas the girl in my story wound up becoming a magician, and the approaching rider on the horse was not the King of England (thats who it was in the series) but rather a wizard woman named Tifain. Tifain started to teach my girl all sorts of cool hechizos (spanish for spells) that the King of England, in that oddball series, did not know the first thing about. And it was all pretty cool, I think, because it had that very cool "inspiration point" that I will now always associate with The White Queen.
Alas, I now find myself wanting to do it again but this time wanting to be more faithful, as I stress. I'm just not sure where to begin or what to steal. What's remarkable about trying to steal things from films is that many of the best scenes are actually hard to get away with stealing. That's literally how famous they are: You can't even cover your tracks, it's all too obvious, even with the names changed....
Try to imagine someone starting out a story with a girl whose about to commit suicide, for example, by jumping over a ledge,and the moment she's about to actually leap, a poor boy comes running up and tries to save her, and pull her back to safety. Everyone who has ever watched film knows this scene or should know it: It's a direct reference to Titanic, the exact moment that Jack Dawson meets Rose Dewitt. The scene is , in many ways, so it would seem, impossible to lift out of the film. It's trapped there. It's arguably more famous at this point than the "balcony scene" from Romeo and Juliet . Some theatre people tell me thats the most famous scene in all of theatre history. It's another one that is very "impossible" to steal. You don't really even see it loosely adapted for this reason, though I suppose it easily could be... I can certainly imagine another new and improved Romeo and Juliet in the hood, where some Latino boy wll stand on the porch of some devilishly hot black girls crib ..slinging romantic raps to try and get her outside. "Yooo Keisha baby, come outside..I got me 2 blunts rolled, we can each burn one to da face...nice purple haze...Keisha c'mon girl ... you gotta see my new Jordans...come da fuq out baby!" Keisha is peering out of the window. She got another nigga up there with her already. She don't even wanna come out. Damn, I'm cracking up.
Anyways, the thing with good writing, I have found, is that a lot of times it does not have so much to do with the action or the plot as it does with the way that stuff gets written. Many novels that seem to have very interesting plots are actually terrible, I have found, and easily beaten, by novels that don't have good plots but that do have a good writer behind them. I have always been of the belief that a good writer can literally write about next to anything and the story will still be good. There could be a guy in a kitchen just sitting there thinking for 6 hours, chain smoking Newports, and a good writer could somehow turn that scene into something better than a man in a jungle hunting elephants. Trust me, it happens. I don't know exactly how it happens --- it's just sort of like magic-- it does. JRR Tolkien, for example, in my opinion, was a bit of a mediocre writer, but who had a really phenomenal plot on his hands. People went further with their own imagining of the plot than they did with his actual writing itself, in a very real way. The same can probably even be said for Harry Potter and Wonderland, too: The writing is not what pulls you in. It's just the "idea" of the plot. These character exist, at this point, more outsied the books, than they do in them .
It's the idea of the story that captivates people rather than the writing; in other words, fans of Harry Potter aren't necessarily fans of literature...they're just fans of a good story. Big difference. The problem with this, I guess, is that many of these "great stories" occupy these really great places in our minds eyes, but often never seem to really live up to their fame when you actually read them. I cannot tell you how many supposedly world class novels I've just fallen asleep reading, whereas novels that nobody knows keep me up and excited for weeks on end. It's really weird how it works. Which is why I think that sometimes a writer can actually be too good... and when he's too good, who knows, maybe he fleshes out the plot and the details too much. This leads to the people having their imagination clogged .... Get it? This never happens with those Tolkien stories because people probably don't understand his weird long winded descriptions. Everyone just skips the pages and makes up their own shit....
I dunno. What film should I rob? Maybe I can try with a porn. That'd be fun. I always do blog about how I want to write a dirty little porn novel so maybe that's what I should do. It can start out with Valentina Nappi, a porn star from Naples who is always doing interracial scenes, and who has been on my mind a bit lately. Since she's from Naples and my family is from Naples, I always feel I sort of look like her...we have the same eyes, same lips, and if I had tits, we'd have the same tits too. I have a few photos of her in this beautiful red flannel shirt on my telefono , pretending to hitch a ride in some bum looking red state, holding her thumb up. I often wonder what Valentina's exact story is ... how exactly did this chick wind up in Los Angeles shooting porn, all the way from Naples? Her English doesn't seem that good. Must be hot, one imagines, to have all that sex in L'America, when you don't even know fucking know English that well! Having sex with people who don't speak your language is awesome. Very weird. Exhilarating. You just rip open their rear ends and they're screaming bloody murder in Arabic.....
I once watched a very long winded interview the Italians did with Valentina (its inItalian) at some uiversity out there. Maybe "La Sapienza" in Rome, I forget. She talked for about 2 hours to some lady who was clearly a professor and who seemed dreadfully nervous, about exactly why she went into pornography. She seemed like a total class A weirdo; in Italian, una pazza. The Italians do things like that though, they are very strange in comparison to you lousy Americans, and they actually seem to realize, on some level, that porn stars are real human beings too. I myself..I would really love to interview Valentina, even just for this blog, but I would probably be terrified. You know what else I wuld love? Shit it just came to my mind! I would love to collaborate on a novel with Valentina herself, or maybe Riley Reid...or Jennifer White.... or no...my old transgendered favorite...."Morgan Bailey".
Oh yeahhhhh Morgan Bailey. That woman could probably write a hell of an introduction to a novel. I'd like her to write the preface/foreword to my debut piece of literature. That'd be dope. She had some cool tattoos, a very big slimy phallus, pretty nice breasts, and she always had nice hair, usually in a ponytail. When she talked she sounded like a dude for sure, but man she was muy caliente. I want to interview her. If i had courage, like the lion in Oz, I would try to contact her on Twitter with my "Nino Caravaggio" account. But I won't. Blah. Wsn't I suppsed to be talking about fucking stealing films and writing them!!!?? Totally off topic. You see? This is why you should write essays in college and get straigjht A's and never think for yourselves, children. So you won't endlessly go off topic like me. I start out writing about stealing films; I wind up writing about Morgan Bailey. I'm SHIT.
I'm so never goin to wind up like George Martin or Stephen King at this rate. It's never going to happen. I'll never have action figures of the characters I wrote into existence like George Martin does. I'll never be able to go to a Comic Con and watch people pretend to be the characters I created. It's so sad. Tifain! Tifain my dear creation. I am sorry I am failing you. I am a bad God. A terrible creator. I can never..CONCENTRATE! I smoked too much weed, Tifain, and now I am always starving, since none of my books sell. I keep writing about pornography....about Valentina Nappi...and transgendered women....Angelina Valentina.... interracial scenes....gangbangs....my mind is waaaaarped! I keep imagining some drunk girl at a party twerking wicked fast to the latest Ka$h Doll song , dressed in Moschino, three gold necklaces on, and then getting banged by three dudes on a hardwood floor on camera. They all spew bubbly pink magic semen from Wonderland on her face. Her name is Kelly White. And ..... yea...my apologies, Tifain. This is why I'll never get you your own hardcover book or your own blockbuster film like Stephen King's IT. i'm a Junky writer Tifain. I write erotica. I write porn. I'm only going to be famous in the next century....
What should I write about now? You know?
Azealia Banks. No. You're sick of her. Kash Doll. No, too much female rap. Everyone is sick of it. Chinese people with three eyes. No. A girl whose in a bathroom stall in New York City, or Chicago ..no New Orleans... with a big dick up her ass. Here's something good. Ya. A girl riding a dick like it's a BMX bike in a bathroom stall in New Orleans. She's got braided pink pigtails and her face is painted bright white like shes in a movie and she's riding this big boss dick gliding up and down on it .The dick is in her ass, it's not in her "pink" spot. She can feel it hitting her stomach and every time it does she feels a thousand jolts run through her. She swallowed 3 tabs of Lysergic Acid when the night began and she's as high as a kite. A weird 22nd century Madonna Banks song is playing behind her, the drums pounding in her brain, the bass guitar just tearing, literally tearing, right through her brain. Outside it's a big blizzard...yes a blizzard in New Orleans, just one week after a hurricane far worse than what we saw with Katrina. And here's our baby girl, white as snow, riding this diesel phallus, up and down up and down, doing her best Valentina Nappi impression, her best Riley Reid. Her breasts are humungous and bouncing bouncing ... soaking wet with hot oil she pours all over them constantly... she's a stripper of course...strips for money at a club in N'Orleans... let's call it "THE WOLF PIT".....
The camera flashes off ...
Nuclear holocaust awaits
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