Well, the sun went down on me a long time ago
I had to go back from the door
I wish I could have spent every hour of my life
With the girl from the Red River Shore
This is basically how I feel about Gina now, of course. The feelings are literally exactly the same, but the character has switched. I really just do not vibe well with women and I do not think I ever will. I always just get frustrated and feel like I'm being constantly lied to, and then I just want to leave it alone. I don't know how guys do this. I think maybe it's true that you have to be a "fighter" to get a woman, and maybe I Just don't have enough "fight" in me. Or, rather, I got plenty of fight in me, but I'm sick to death of using it on these lousy, lying women. I mean, GIna is nice when she talks to me and all, but she's full of lies and it's painfully obvious. For example, I'm now convincd that she is secretly reuniting with her childs father, and just not telling me, for whatever reason. She maybe thinks she doesn't want to "hurt my feelings". OK...its admirable...but it's still a lie, Gina.
I don't know. I'm just so done with this, but I also keep saying that and I Never escape from it. I'm so sad all the time. I can't figure out: Is the sadness being caused by Gina, or am I just imagining it like that? I mean ...do I think Gina's love, if she gave it to me, would save my life or something? Maybe. I guess I sort of believe maybe it could, but then the question comes up : How long would Gina's love last anyways? She's obviously a bit of a moron, and she's incredibly deceitful, so how long would it really last until the string snapped? All these women do is lie, lie, and lie some more. I think the entire gay movement just began over them lying. Gay men have made the wisest choice, I am not kidding at all. It's why I first started to think I might as well just be gay. Because this is annoying as hell....
What is extra funny about it all to me, however, is the idea that, when you are a single boy on the outside looking in, you sometimes get the idea that a woman in a relationship is totally loyal to the "tough guy" she chooses to be with. I know how this feels, because I've been there before. The truth, though, kids, is that the girl is never loyal to him, and he actually feels just like you all the time: He thinks she is cheating on him, that she's scheming, that she's about to leave him any day, etc. Trust me: That emotion basically never goes away .. at least not until you're old and grey and no one finds you attractive anymore. Until that day, I think the idea of a cheat is always there. Suspicion is always there. The idea that it "will end" ...always there.
Oh, you might think marriage ends it right? I'd say you would be wrong. All that marriage does, unless you're both ugly as shit, is heighten the outrageous suspicion of the game. I wrote it in December: It has become very obvious, by reading things online, and on Twitter, that many people these days are getting married, just for the sake of experiencing the cheating thrill afterwards. This is really what it is now: People simply no longer believe in monogamy, even when they think they do! That's the real trick of it, you see: A man or a lady wants to believe they are monogamous, but usually they aren't. This is especially the case once the marriage game is set up becuase, once you're married, you are seen as more desirable for those who are not. Women will be infinitely more interested in you, once you're married. You will have more temptations. I will never forget, for instance, when I was dating the hottest girl of my life, how many other girls were automatically interested in me, overnight, as a result. It was as though I had woken up and gone into the world with a whole new face.
It isn't as fun as it seems though, because all this does is complicate the bond you originally wanted to build. Attacks come from every side on a bond and usually , these days, it doesn't seem like it can last like it once was able. I think people --like Gina, for example--no longer understand the value of having one person you can sincerely trust in your life. Gina is essentially like some little girl who is still all caught up in this game of chasing people whom she can't trust, over and over. Instead of just getting involved completely with me, whom she can trust, she just chases guys who are clearly not trustworthy, who make it obvious they do not want to be. She's the -----
One second, she actually just started dialing me! I can't afford to miss this call!!!!!!!
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