I always dream of having pink flannel pajama pants. I don't know why. I guess cus I love flannel, to the point that its an obsession. I find myself so attractive in pics where I've been dressed in cute pink flannel shirts, and I think that ...if i had the tits (aka courage), to buy me some pink flannel pajama pants, I'd probably feel SO f'n fresh every night, as i sat here waiting fer bed. It's like a scene from some cute little TV show about girls, you know?
I can see me sitting on my pink bed with my legs crossed sipping hot chamomile tea, texting my boyfriends and my baby daddies and just being in a general state of bliss. Is this how it is for Becky? I bet she replaced me in, like, 2 freakin hours. She just found some new sucker , right?
He drives over there and she lets him in, like she wouldn't let me. Maybe he brings her drugs. I think thats the only reason she went with the exes, was cause they gave her drugs. So he goes there in some crap car with a baggy full of pills and whatever else he got and whats he do? He "plows her out" (Becca secretly loved this terminology) on her bed, then he takes off. She puts her flannel pajama pants back on again, makes that tea, sits down thinking how good the sex was. Looks in the mirror staring at herself. Her kids are fast asleep in the other room; and so is her daddy. The menleave quietly when they go...
She sneaks men in like that...ive always been convinced of it. Then after the sex , maybe she starts worrying if the boy had AIDs or maybe got her pregnant. Kidding. That stuff isnt real to Becky. It only happens to other people....
. Back to my makeup though bitches. Sheesh. I'd have so much fun doing my cosmetics in the mirror, dressed in my jammies with just a pink matching bra on. Shoot! I'd hang around in the house all fucking day with just my bra and my jammies on. I'd even walk outside the house dressed like that, waving to hot male neighbors I would hopefully have. I'd be living in a rich neighborhood in the suburbs so I'd walk across the street and skinny dip in some real nice pool. Becky lives in a nice neighborhood like that. Real nice. Even thinking of it now is sort of making me sick for some reason.. Some evil prt of me, the resetnful part, really does hope and pray that the whole show just collapses so fucking tragically for Becky. Like she winds up living on EBT stamps in the ghetto and she ends up with a 3rd kid or even a 4th one, and the baby daddy of the next ones somehow winds up even fucking worse than the last 2 daddies. He makes a bunch of promises to her, and she only knows him for like 4 months,but like the fucking moron she is, she trusts him. Then he beats the hell out of her and leaves her. Thats what I hope happens to her.
So sad isnt it?
To be this angry. its so SAD.
I have to think of the pink flannel pajamas again and float to my good space. I just don't understand why she couldn't have called, or wrote an email and apologized. I wrote her 6 heartfelt letters, and 45 poems. In a single week. Why couldn't she have called? She knew the block was a cry for attention, and gave me nothing for it. After all the attention i gave her. I wasted 3 years of my life pursuing something with this girl for NOTHING. ONly to be left BEHIND AGAIN by a traitor.
sad. tearz. im a dumb bitch and nothing else. need to pull up my big bitch panties and walk on.
....
/notes
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