Rebecca, I want to tell you a short little story now that I just hope you'll read, in regards to all these arguments we have--most of which I'm beyond convinced are basically just over politics. Even the arguments that don't totally seem to be over politics, in fact, I think usually are. But obviously most of the "truly obvious" arguments we've had have been blatantly political...and yes...its very true: Usually I am, i'll admit, the blatantly political person driving it forward.
Here's the thing though: When I was growing up as a kid, I was frequently subjected and forced to live w/ many truly scathing arguments that my mother & stepfather would engage in. Oddly enough, most of these arguments were rather similar to the ones you & i get in, but with a slightly more old fashioned twist: Momma argued in favor of believing in God, and my step-father often argued completely in defense of atheism. There were also a few other things - real life things - that would occasionally fall into place beneath the umbrella of the God versus atheist arguments they'd get into.
One of the biggest things was how my stepfather found the Catholic schools to be ridiculous, and he did not believe in them. He thought they were a waste of money, etc. He also never really had the same deeply negative perspective of the old neighborhood and the rest of the city. To my stepfather, living in the old neighborhood was nothing to be ashamed of, and it was nothing to run from. If anything, he liked it. It was home to him ...regardless of what color of people lived there. For him, my attending the innre city school woudn't have been "the endo f the world". IT was, after all, where his other sons went to school (and turned out fine), and where he went to school, and where my grandparents went, etcetc.
For my mother -- mostly thanks solely to her brother who, asI tol you, has always had significantly more $$ - it was, however. She felt deeply ashamed that she was not able to keep up w/ this man, in my opinion. He made her look bad . As though she wasn't doing "enough" for her kids. Etc.
The one thing I often used to ask my madre, however, especially in later years when we would reflect upon the arguments her & my stepfather got into, was "....how the hell did someone who believes so strongly in this God , wind up with someone who vehemently does not believe in God at all? How does that happen, ma?"
My mothers response was almost always the same: "I don't know how it happened really. I guess.. it just happened."
"But didn't you know?" I Would ask, "from the get-go, didn't you know he would drive you crazy w/ his atheism? I mean, it's a radically different view. YOu think you'd wanna be with someone who was a believer, like you."
At this point my mother would also always tell me the same thing: "I think what happened was that, when we first got together, I never really considered what he was, or what he wasn'T. I didn't know he was an atheist. Neither of us had any real clear cut political or religious views, back then. It all only came out ...years later. After we were married...and it was too late."
This is the part, of course, as you might imagine, that I myself always found so fascinating, and it was also the part that I've always felt I needed to take the biggest lesson from. And essentially what I feel it taught me was what I said to you this morning: I might be young, and I might not have traversed every area of society yet, and on many issues I basically don't "need" - on a personal level - to have a side. But I still have one, and I know exaclty what it is. For me, there is no grey area that exists, just like there is really no grey area for a Christian w/ a lot of faith who believes deeply in a very specific God. My mother, for example, isn't actually a vehement Christian: she is more really just someone who "believes in something". We never really went to church , aside from being enrolled in the Catholic schools. Most of my family is generally like this, except for the one uncle and his kids.
My stepfather, however, actually was sort of an extreme atheist...he had no middle ground, no grey area, when it came to the issue. He did not believe in God, nor Gods, nor Buddhism, nor zen, nor anything at all. To him, there was no next world nor even the slightest possibiity of it. He believed in what he called "the dirt nap". I often vehemently opposed him on this issue myself for many years, and my opposition to his atheism perhaps even led to our eventual falling out. This is pretty sad, of course, because on every single other issue, politically speaking ,my stepfather and I tend to , in fact, agree: Just like myself, he fancies the Democrats, and liberals, etcetc. He despises Republicans to a tee.
Now whats fascinating to me about his distaste for Republicans is, guess what? This specific distaste **never, at all,** bothered my mother, because my mother , though she believes in "something in the Great Beyond", does not actually align with any political party, whatsoever. My mother truly has no opinion when it comes to politics. She just has vague ideas. For example, she agrees when you say the War on Drugs has ruined things, or that blacks certainly appear oppressed ,or that gays ought to have the riht to get married, but she doesn't call herself "liberal" or argue vehemently w/ people over it.
My mother never argues for anything except compassion really. She has simply always professed that people ought be "nice to one another", and that she "doesn't understand why people get into arguments , or why wars begin". When Alessandro came from Italy, for example, and taught us all about how the healthcare system worked there, it being free for the public and all, my mother agreed. She did not vehemently oppose public healthcare, nor does she vehemently oppose so much as a single Democratic platform.
When I showed my mother a video of the former president of Mexico, Vicente Quesada Fox, arguing that the War on Drugs must end because it has destroyed Mexico & left it in ruins, my mother said "Vicente is correct . It is too extreme and it must end. It has done nothing." If my mother was a far right wing Republican, she would have a vastly different response. She would argue in favor of the War on DRugs, as most Republicans do. She would also argue in favor of things like the mass incarceration, wich she does not do, considering her poor cousin Stephen did a 12 year sentence that, ever since I was a little boy, she has told me she felt was "totally uncalled for".
Therefore, you see, my stepfather probably could have kept on pretty good ground w/ my mother, even with all his Democratic beliefs...had he only agreed that "something beyond all of this might exist". It didn't even have to be anything particular ... no particular CHristian god or anything...just "something is possible". Alas, he culd not bear the idea of agreeing -it was not what he believed--and so arguments, massive arguments, and a general level of discomfort, often ensued. She became deeply disturbed, I think, that she was with such an avowed, militant atheist. I don't blame her, since as I said: I personally would prefer to be w/ someone who believed "in someting" too. I'm not at all specific about what. Just "something'.
But my desire for someone who believes in "someting" does not , at all, translate to the idea that I might want to marry, say, some radically obsessed Evangelical christian. I would never do that because...it would make no sense! It would lead to tons of arguments. Et cetera. And what's lucky, too, is that...guess what?? The evangelical probably wouldn't want to marry me, because I have made my views on the topic very clear, just like they have. They are "openly evangelical" and I am "openly ambiguous and interested in all types of spirituality". The best bet for a partner for both of us is probably someone similar. Most evangelicals, last I checked, tend to marry other evangelicals, just like most really observant jews often only want to marry a jew, etcetc....
So.... the way this relates to us of course, whether we are simply very close friends or, perhaps, in some relationship, is that I am a far left liberal and I consider it a massive part of my identity at this point .And one reason I think you find my "allegiance" to liberalism so odd (at least it seems like you find it odd to me) is becuse you don't see where it is being born or originating. For example, you made the comment to me that "if you feel so impassioned, why not go do something of it? Go change the world.. don't just bitch." I understand wher you are coming from. You think that I just sit and bitch about politics... and it has no purpose.
THe thing is though that my politics are really being born in my writings, in what I love to read, & in the cultures I follow. I write politically charged essays, or at least I try to, and I also write stories that, in my opnion, could definitely be read as pretty liberal minded...generally speaking. In other words, as a writer, even if I am unpublished and unsuccessful, I am not really afforded the luxury that someone like, say, a baseball player is. A baseball player doesn't have to talk or share his own opinions. A writer , however, has to. ANd even if he doesn't, his characters have to. Most of my characters tend to be pretty liberal. Most of the plots tend to be liberal-esque fantasies.
The Shawshank Redemption, for instance, is a pretty liberal film that paints prison wardens and prisons in a pretty negative light. Prisoners tend to like that film. Prison wardens are usually Republicans or conservatives and probably don't like it much, since it makes them look like complete assholes makign things worse instead of better. Not coincdentally, Stephen King, the writer of the Shawshank REdemption, is a liberal. He writes liberal opinions literally every day on Twitter. He is anti-Trump now, and he was anti-Reagan in the 80s. He's a DEmocrat.Just like the vast majority of all the writers I have evre read are, in fact, Democrats, and just like the vast majority of all the musicians I have ever deeply loved are also liberals. All of my favorite artists are liberals...
So basically Becca, the thing that confuses me w/ you is as I said: I think sometimes that you personally aren't sure where you stand, and you feel uncomfortable taking a stand. This is normal and it is fine...the only thing thouh is that..you know.. *I* take a stand, and I do have a *side*. I don't want to be insulted for taking a side. I don't want to be told that I'm doing it just because of "society" etc. I don't want to be mocked, and it basically seemed like you sort of mocked me. I just want, you see, to be left in my peace to believe my liberal things. I don't really wanna argue w/ people who are intimately present in my life, over these things, and the wonderful fact is that , though we can't choose our country or our family, we can choose our social intimates. And so all I am saying is that I think it's pretty wise thing to not choose someone who feels in opposition to what I feel, or what you feel. I don't think it would be a good idea for you, if you feel like a conservative, to date a liberal. I don't think it would be a good idea for an anti feminist to date a feminist. I don't think it would be a good idea for an African to date a nazi. For it would be nothing but an horrific argument all the time....
The fact of the matter is that I have a side, and one big reason I chose to have one, is because I actually think -- believe it or not -- that it makes things easier for you, and for eveyone. ALl I have to do is say "look, I'm liberal" and most people should basically be able to understand ** exactly** what I believe as a result of that, on a vast number of currently hot political issues. I am not in some foggy spot where I don't quite know what I identify as at 5 PM, and then randomly start arguing in favor of the Republican side, for an hour, at 10 pm. I Never argue in favor of anything right wingers do, and I never in argue in favor of a "center" or an independent posititon either. I am far left liberal. That's it. For the purpose of making my position easily understood, yes, it's true: I agree with literally everything the far left liberals are currently trying to do. I believe mass incarceration is a problem, I think university should be pulblic, I believe healthcare should be public, I am a blue state lover , and thats the end of it. I do not believe in Republican red states. At all.
Are there, of course, certain areas, where I am perhaps in a bit of disagreement? Yes. FOr example, I tend to think liberals go a bit too far overboard w/ the gun issue . BUT here's the thing: I would never passionately argue with a liberal in favor of guns. Ever. I think libs go overboard on guns, but I would never argue as passionately for guns, as I would argue passionately for the end of the War on Drugs, or for prison reform, or for free university, etc. Republicans of course argue this passionately for guns. They get up in arms , literally. They perhaps want to start a war over the guns . I'm not that far obsessed with guns; I basically think the liberals are right -- no one needs an M16-- but that they are pressing the issue *too soon*. IN other words, they should probably wait til after they get free university passed, in order to start arguing against guns. But I digress....
The main point is that taking a side and waving a certain flag actually helps people to avoid arguments . There is, literally, no such thing as someone who has "no flag". Not having a flag is a political move within itself, in fact.. Pirates waved the Black Flag of the skull and crossbones. People who are surrendering wave a white flag. Americans wave the stars and stripes. Confederate sympathizers wave a confederate flag. They do this to let you know where they stand, right off the bat, so as to avoid arguments later. I, for example, would not show up in Mississippi, at the house of soemone flying a confederate flag, and expect to find people eager to discuss European liberalis,, prison reform, soul music, and weed legalization there. That would be ridiculous. I would pass that house over , and try to find a house waving a flag more to my fancy. Allegiances and positions and sides are unfortunatley a very real part of the life we all live. I don't believe in "middle grounds". I don't believe its possible to have a "grey area". As I said, if tomorrow there was a draft for another vietnam, one must be either for or against the war, when the recruitment officer calls. One cannot be in the grey. One must either dodge the draft or not dodge the draft, and of course many of the people who wish, deep down, that they could dodge the draft wind up caught and still sucked in. Those people still aren't really in a grey area though: They would rather not be there, but they accidentally got pulled in by no choice of their own. It isn't grey. It especially isn't grey when said drafted soldiers start writing songs and books denouncing the war as a shit show and saying they hate Uncle Sam for having sent them into it. The majority of conservatives didn't really do this. They supported the war for as long as it was going, just like they support the prisons now, the war on drugs, etc etc...
Anyways ... I wrote this letter because I felt i had to, and because I feel very bad. I do not know if you will ever read it. You are angry at me and you have every right to be. I don't really know what else to say at this point. I love being your friend , i really love it; but I don't love arguing over politics, and I basically just don't understand what your politics are -- because you won't really say what they are -- and I don't think its wrong for me to feel deeply confused over that, Becca. I think that you do have a position but you like, don't really know how to express it. I don't know. I sincerely cannot tell because you won't say. You say you are an independent, but what does that really mean? What, exactly, does an independent support? I have no idea. ALl I know is what the people in the two seperate parties support, and I literally have no idea what being in the middle of them would even mean, whatsoever. Again: one is either for or against the war. One is either for or against prison reform. One is other for or against the drug war. One is either for or against these things. IT's simply far too confusing to be constantly sitting in the middle becuase I just don't understand what the view of the middle is. I sincerely wish I could identify as middle; but I can't. I'm vehemently opposed to the republican agenda. Vehemently opposed.
There you have it at any rate. I won't write anything else. Nothing else to write.
--CIao.
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