For purposes of posterity, I have decided to type up the texting argument that I got into w/ my friend Rebecca earlier this morning/afternoon over US liberalism vs US conservatism. A.k.a. "You're either for Trump or...you're against him?" Alas, Trumps name was really not mentioned a single time in this long argument, since my personal take on US politics doesn't really have so much to do w/ Trump , as it does with simple plain ol' liberalism. That word, you see, -- "liberal"-- was really the core of the entire argument w/ Rebecca this afternoon: I began, at some point, to finally (after many months really, if not years of talking) 'demand' that she state & declare a side. "Are you liberal...or are you not?"
I really wasn't sure what her reaction would be. I know she has severe discomfort w/the idea of liberalism, but alas, as I wrote in my letter available below this post, I literally have no idea *why* Rebecca is so averse to liberalism....since it seems so many of her day to day ideas are deeply liberal. I.e. She was involved in a terribly abusive relationship w/ a man, who gave her a child, but who also knocked her around a good bit, even to the point of getting himself arrested over it. As a result, Becca has often argued for a position that, to me, intellectually speaking, seems totally feminist. Feminism of course is completely in line w/ liberalism, last I heard.
And yet ... the girl ... or should I say woman...absolutely *refuses* to actually take that step forward & identify as a liberal. Why? Well, maybe someone smarter than me will be abl eto tell by reading this truly bewildering conversation that I had with her. Keep in mind I am only retyping it from about the midddle on. We had an earlier (and far worse) argument in the morning , over the same topic, and then we calmed dwn & said we would reconvene in the afternoon. So, as soon as the clock struck 12 afternoon, we began messagin again. Things descended into Hell rather quickly. I'm going to show you where that descent was basically already in full swing. And remember , the main thing I was aiming for was to get Becca to do one of two things: 1. Explain exactly what she meant by how she was "middle" , or 2. Just say she was a liberal and come to a beautifully happy, liberal place w/ me. As far as I care to tell it, the woman did neither. But I will let thee decide whose the ass and who ain't, eh?
(Rebecca will be R, and I will be S)
R: What exactly am I disagreeing w/ you about? Listen, goodbye until another few hours. Just know : I am *not* middle.
S: I'm not mad, Bec'. I'm just asking.
R: I'm going to scream.
S: Ok what are you then?
R: I'm angry still ,all over again. I'm going to ring someones neck! THats what I am.
S: Becca, I'm just ..really confused.
R: Kk, then we needn't discuss it. I can't talk right now. Again. I came back when I said, didn't I? But now I'm just getting more upset. I have to go to a wedding at 2.
S: Ohhh...so thats why you're so wildly out of it. Shit, I see. Now it's all making some sense! See ya later.
R: No. I was only upset about this. That's it. That's what set me off.
S: Becca guess what? We don't have to be friends and we don't have to argue. All you have to do is be clear about what you are or what you are not. If I say, I wanna build a fort today, and Jennifer says "I don't wanna" and you say "I'm not sure", you're essentially in disagreement w/ me, because I definitely want to build it. So ..you either want to build the fort or you don't. I don't even understand what the middle is. None of the political issues right now, to me, they ain't that complex. So, hey, good luck and goodbye. Hace a nice day...message me if you want, later. Ciao, ciao ciao.
R: You're just being an absolute asshole.
S: No I'm not. Look, it's so easy: I don't want any pepperoni on my pizza. No middle here. No middle! I'm not being an asshole.
R: Yes you are.
S: No.
R: Yes, you are.
S: Rebecca there's no god damn f'n middle!!!
R: You can't make me think otherwise.
S: Dude, one is either for or against a thing. No middle. You either free the slaves, or you don't free them. Et cetera. Pepperoni on the pizza or none. I ain't an asshole; I am just stating clearly *what I believe* so as to avoid confusion, you see?
R: Without listening to anything I've said for MONTHS! I'm not reiterating any of it.
(I must make an entry here and tell my reader that I literally have no idea what Becca is referring to about what she said 'for months'. I have literally no recollection of Becca ever actually stating a firm side politically speaking, ever. She has at times sent a few memes that make fun of Trump, for ex., but she has never outright opposed him. In the past, she once told me she is registered Republican; now that she knows I hate them, she will not say she is Republican. And a few times she did tell me she doesn't believe in hand outs...even though I believe she herself has gotten welfare for her 2 kids by 2 different fathers ...her being married to neither. Alas she has never at all stated any certain position in recent months. Her rude comments about hand outs "not helping anyone" and voting Repub took place well over a year and a half ago. Anyways, onwards...)
S: Becca what are you talking about? I'm literaly so confused. I don't...you never said anything about your position. I've never asked you for an exact position, really. I've just told you my exact position. Never asked yours, really.
R: Oh you see? You do this. You just fill it all in yourself. Details of me. Hey, look, ttyl.
S: Dude you're either a liberal, or you're not. Being middle, not liberal. Just tell me what!
R: Don't. Don't say it again. Don't fucking say it.
S: I'm just saying!! If you're in the middle, that's not liberal.
R: You're saying it again.
S: Give me a break.
R: No. You are relentlessly going. So I Won't give you one when you won't give me one. Thanks though.
S: Because NO ONE understands what this means.
R: Ohh, right, right, all the people online you discuss *us* with. That's fucking weird. Creep. Goodbye for now!
S: Who could understand this? You refuse to identify yourself w/ either party. It's confusing. You're, you see, you're fogging it all up. For no reason.
R: Nope.
S: No?
R: You. Just. Don't. Listen. To. Me.
S: Dude what's your problem?
R: I'm done repeating myself.
S: Dude I'm listening.
R: Nah I'm done w/ this whole convo.
S: I'm just saying: you refuse to state a position and I admittedly find it bizarre.... cause so much about you **seems** liberal, at times, and then you randomly turn...
R: You're not getting anything out of me. The end. Of this convo. THE END.
S: You said you're not liberal, yer middle. I said "Becca, I'm a liberal".
R: THE FUCKING END. YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
S: Right. END END / CONVO ENDED. END END/ END
R: Do not say it again. DO NOT. I just want get off this convo. I keep asking now.
S: You're being belligerently immature.
R: You won't let me leave the fucking convo. You kept saying you'd block me! Excuse me here? Whose being immature? Lmao. I have to go get ready. Wedding at 2.
S: I'm not gonna block you if you say you're not liberal.
(OK, time for anothe quick entry, because my reader might not understand the blocking thing and it probably makes me seem rude here ,instead of Becca. I wish to defend myself, so here's the background on the blocking thing: About two months ago, Becca randomly stopped replying to my texts, or my calls, for about a week and a half. I had no idea what happened, and since she lives kind of far and we don't date , I felt very odd just, you know, showing up at her house. I went into a deep freaked out panic for the duration of it all, and much of what I read online, on sites like Reddit & Twitter, told me that I had been 'ghosted'. At one point I even tried to add Becca on instagram -- she has a private instagram account, her only social media -- and I did it w/ an account I know she knew I made just for the purpose, using an inside joke for a name. She rejected the request. Then, two weeks later or w/e, she finally messaged me again. Her excuse was that the phone was broken. I never mentioned what happened w/ the Instagram. I did, however, explain to her in depth, that I believed I had been blocked randomly, or put on ignore, and that I couldn't believe it, it made me sad, etc etc. She assured me "you werent blocked...I'll never block you..ever ever...okay? PRomise?" I basically believe her but now I find that sometimes, yes, I'm the one threatening blocks. Cause I can't believe she didn't even *attempt* to contact me for all that time when her phone "died". AFter all, we talk every day. All day. So wth?
Onwards, however...)
R: You said you'd block me. It was immature. Definitely immature. But, ok, I'll ttyl now, OK?
S: I suppose if you said you weren't lib, I might just not talk to you as often. To avoid arguments, y'know?
R: Ya. TTYL.
S: Becca wth? Just go find someone who agrees w/ you. With your so called "middle" position. WHy is it so bad?
R: Fuck you. My God, fuck you. You don't know my position! You're too passionate about telling me what it is. Good day.
S: Yes! It's true! I don't know wtf your position is because you REFUSE to say what it is.
R: Good day.
S: I'm listening.
R: I gotta get ready. YOu're making me rip my fucking hair out. AGAIN!! I HAVE TO GO GET READY OK? AND I DO NOT LIKE HOW YOU WERE, OR ARE, TALKING TO ME. BECAUSE I'VE SAID I HAVE TO GO NOW AND EARLIER, A DOZEN OR TWO TIMES, AND TO NO AVAILZ!
S: You saying you're a liberal then?
R: Fuck you. Wow. Fuck you.
S: What didn't I hear tho?? What are you referring to? I don't get what I-
R: Fuck you. Fuck you.
S: I don't get what I didn't hear.
R: Fuck you.
S: Right.
R: Fuuuuuuucccckkkkkk youuuuuu is what you didn't hear.
S: Oh.
R: Jesus fucking Christ, let me go get ready. I'll ttyl.
S: Bye.
R: Fuck you means I've asked to go 1,870,554 times and you're still fucking HOUNDING ME.
S: You said "let us reconvene at noon". I had no idea this meant solely a 20 minute window. You made , you know, you didn't say you were going to a wedding at 2. Never mentioned that this morning.
R: You keep talking shit.
S: Yes. I am sorry. Terribly sorry. See ya.
R: You put me in a fog.
S: I know.
R: You put me in a fog bcus you were talking SHIT. So this FOG you speak of ..it's just RAGE...Through and through. Rage. It's making everything impossible.
The conversation ends here. I sent a short 5 second voice note where I said , in a sttrange voice, "relaxx... relax... just go ...we talk later..." and then she was gone, no further responses. I logged onto Twitter to start talking about, then I sat down an hour after that to start typing this up for y'all. It's now 2:54...almost 3. She's been at the wedding (if there even was one) for an hour. It just now occurred to me that if she went to a wedding she is probably drinking.
I wonder what that means?
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