Sometimes I think it would be good for me if I transitioned to a woman, but then I start to think it would be a complete disaster, too. Not because I'm necessarily afraid of what the other people in my life think of me (though I suppose I am) but really just because I'm not sure what I, mysef, would think of me.
My basic dilemma seems to be that I'm not really totally positive that I'm a woman. Yes, I think it sometimes , and especially when I sexually fantasize, I feel like a woman, totally-- but then , it tends to go away. When it does, I tend to feel pretty comfortable as a man again. To the point where I think id perhaps miss being a man, just as much as I feel I "miss" being a woman at the current pont in time. For the most part, I tend to believe I don't really want to be either gender. I just sort of want to be whoever I want to be, when the time is right.
This is not allowed in reality of course...I have to make a choice here, otherwise neither party completely accepts me. If I tell men I sometimes think of myself as a woman, they'll reject me as a man, and if I tell women I sometimes fancy mysef a man, they'll reject me as a woman! My god this is all too much isn't it? How did it ever become so strict? And will this strictness ever end?
Well, yes, I think it will. Soon. Very soon. It'll get to the point where no one will really care what you "identify" as because people will finally realize that what you identify as *doesnt really matter* , so long as your able to get your societal role done. This is where the robots and the machines come in, of course, and it's what I personally feel is the big thing many modern people don't seem to be really "understanding".
For example, in the past, if I was someone who had a job doing something like, say, digging graves in the wintertime, one imagines that I would have to be dressed for the occasion, and in the deep past, when there was no technology to help me dig the grave, I probsbly had to be pretty strong, too. So it was probably the case for a very long time that the grave diggers who could dig graves the fastest - especially in the frosty winter- were big muscular fellas who perhaps wore big beards and all that to keep themselves warm. These guys weren't thinking about going out to do their grave digging gig whilst wearin a dress, a skirt, makeup, and heels, because guess what? That outfit makes no sense for the job. You literally can't dig a grave too fast dressed like that. Just like you probably can't do a lot of other manual labor gigs dressed like that, either. Not to mention the othe problem the grave digger had, which was life after work being based in a pretty mean, and violent place. Grave diggers in the 1700s probsbly didn't get too much alone time. They were probably always doing their gig, and then hanging around somewhere semi dangerous, in the sense that outlaws could ruin everything for them in a split second , etc. Wars were happening *constsntly* in the past. Life wasn't like now, where you have 50 years of peace and most people never see anyone get viciously stabbed to death in the middle of the street. So the grave digger had not just a difficult job, where being a "man" was absolutrly required in some sense, but he also had an entire world beyond that job where being a man was also required, in many ways, at all times. Nobody had any time to sit and contemplate switching genders or creating a line of pink shoes with pink dragons drawn on the side of them, etc.
But , now, what about a job where no real manual labor is involved- like so many modern jobs are ? Like a desk job, or being a cashier, a waiter, hell, even being a truck driver or a taxi driver? This person probably works in decent conditions, heated conditions : they don't need to grow a big beard to keep their face warm on dark winter nights, and they also don't need to pay much attention to their outfit either. No, they can't waltz around in a Marilyn Monroe style dress in 6 inch heels, but they could probably wear a skirt if they wanted, and purple socks, pink shoes, long "girly" hair, & so on, and still get their gig done on time & efficiently.
So, the question becomes, why not let them dress that way? Again, the only important thing for a free society offering work is That the work is able to be performed. Sitting at a desk and typing things in Microsoft Excel could literally be done in any costume. The gender of the person behind the desk makes no difference, just like the gender of the person behind the wheel of the truck makes no difference , etc.
A long time ago, maybe it was the case that men were able to ride horses faster than women (as it is an Olympic fact that they do run faster) but when it comes to motor vehicles, you might notice your gender doesn't matter: Anyone can drive 100 mph. A baby could put his foot down on the pedal and bring the car to 100 mph. Physical strength does not power the car. Gender becomes irrelevant....
Right now, you see, I personally feel we are still living a bit with the past heavy in our minds, even though so much of the way things were done in the past has become irrelevant to our modern lives. For example, take an item of apparel like the cowboy hat. In the past, the cowboy hat had a real significant purpose : It wasn't just a simple fashion accessory. The Cowboys wore it in order to keep the sun from their face , it would seem to me, as they were riding the horses. They also might have used it to keep dust out of their eyes. These days, however, people walking around in Dallas, getting in and out of cars made in 2017, with cowboy hats on, don't wear them for any environmental reason at all. They're just wearing them for fashion, because they can-- because the past is still in their mind. This is exactly what I do, too, when I wear old wide sleeved pirate shirts from the 1700s, as I type at my desk. I don't need to wear it. In fact, it's kind of dangerous, because the big sleeves often knock things over. I once almost lit the ridiculously enormous sleeve on fire turning the burner on the stove. But I wear it anyways because it's fun. In the past, they wore it for a totally different reason. Mostly because they hadn't yet figured out how to make sleeves that fit everyone, perhaps. It was sort of like a one size fit all shirt. I don't know exactly.
The point remains of course: If I wanted, I could easily get a whole lot of work done at my desk, dressed in plain mans dockers, or a frilly little pink skirt. It doesn't effect my work at all either way, and it doesn't help me get anything done faster. All it is, at this point, is a stupid personal preference, and nothing more. So what's the big issue? Why are people still so violently up in arms about men wearing skirts or dresses --- if those men have the money, the time, and maybe even the easy, relaxing job to do so? The problem is clearly nothing more than the fact that we just aren't used to seeing it. That's it. There is literally no other reason for it ,when we get together and often judge some guy who wears a skirt, or says he feels like a girl 5 days of the week. The only reason we have to harass that guy or girl or whatever he wants to call "himself"...is because of our personal preference. Beyond that, we have no cards to pull. Remember: He has a desk job, or perhaps a hair dressing job, a waiter job, etx. His decision to wear a skirt isn't effecting his job. It certainly isn't effecting his leisure time! If it was, I would say I agree: He ought not wear it. But it's not effecting it. His costume is irrelevant to the job. Just like a pair of pink snow boots are the same as blue snow boots. It's a totally asinine argument. It has no purpose. Leave him alone!
So anyways I don't know what prompted me to write this. I guess I did it because it really seems so absurd to me that people get into such violent arguments over it all. But then I often remind myself that so many of these so called conservatives who are constantly fighting to protect the traditions of the past often dont seem
To know much about why those traditions were there in the first place. In other words, most conservatives tend to actually not really know much about history. Therefore they tend to have a very difficult time understanding why their arguments sound so absurd from a "learned" angle. They don't , for example, seem to totally understand that, one prime reason a man like my great grandfather Giuseppe never wore pink floral design sneakers , or pink "snapback hats", with a glittery Lady Gaga tee shirt...is because none of those things even existed for old Giuseppe, back when he was a young man in the 1940s! He didn't even have the option. Sure, they started to exist when he was in his 80s in the late 90s, but by then I think he was -- what?--- not too concerned anymore....
In any regard, back to my own personal dilemma: The reason why I don't want to become a "permanent Woman" is because I really don't think it's necessary. Would I perhaps enjoy having breasts? As well as my own vagina? Yes...it does sound like it'd be a boat load of fun. Yet at the same time I also think the price of entry and all that, into the transgendered world, is a bit too high for me. In the end, as much as I fantasize about being Becky Jean, I just don't think I'd know what to do once I was trapped permanently as Becky Jean. Probably I'd start wishing I could be Will Guerra all over again..and that'd be a big fuvking problem...
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